you've got mail! (messed up version)

It's not very often I put my faith in Netslop (for obvious reasons). Actually no, not obvious enough. Here's 3 moments when Chopflix ruined my life:

1. Plotbaiting/Slop Factory - promotional posts, banners, and materials all with the intention to bait audiences into thinking that there was more to the 80s nostalgia bait show. There was something there for sure but actualising it would require they make gay love save the world. I can accept my ship not becoming endgame or whatever at least give me something more interesting to invest in, not a poorly CGI-ed final battle so far removed from the story you've been trying to tell. 

2. Queerbaiting - not cool. If you're not willing to commit to exploring the complexities of being queer and the experiences that come with that, don't even bother introducing characters or storylines just to sideline them later. Tokenism is worse than no or bad representation. 

3. Second-screen Viewing - this one really pisses me off. Not only are they making half-assed shows, to top it all off they're purposely designing them to be consumed with split attention. In that sense, we get exposition in the form of dialogue (horribly executed, might I add), characters being stripped of complexities lest the viewers be confused, and a watered-down plot that all ages can enjoy! That's right they might as well be catering to toddlers with how elementary-level some of these stories get.

Suffice to say, I hope the overlords from Trashflix that contributes to these problems implode. So I wasn't very convinced when a good friend of mine spoke highly of one of their new movies. A good new romcom without emotional cheating? Green flag men? Amazing cinematography? I was intrigued and weak to any recommendations from her

Is this not a true-crime esque shot composition?

Like with every other movie trying to reinvent the "meet cute", this one has the premise of a potential thriller/murder mystery. Girl sends voicemails to her dead sister, not knowing that a MAN had been receiving them the whole time eughh I shudder at the thought. The movie does give him shit for not telling her earlier which was nice but I reckon he could have grovelled harder. More on that later cuz I want to be organized in this review because I'm sure that's how A would love it. ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

Her <3

The main character, Jill, is the usual quirky lively main girl. She loves cooking, breakfast taco, and most of all her sister. Her characterisation was relatable enough to make me want to root for her. The first we see of her is when she kisses this boy (this will be important later) for the sake of the plot. Plot being making Izzy happy. Speaking of Izzy, I really appreciated how we got to spend more time with her at the beginning. For a second I thought they were gonna pull a kissing booth. "watched mom die in the hospital... RODE MOTORCYCLE FOR THE FIRST TIME! ☆(≧▽≦)☆"

But naur they really went above and beyond to showcase the sister dynamic, which I enjoyed because Jill's motivations wouldn't be as convincing otherwise. I love how we only ever saw Izzy when she was alive in the chronological timeline instead of her just being shown in flashbacks. The choice to keep her present in the story through voicemails and family photos but not both at the same time was smart too, it ties you to how Jill is also hanging on to whatever's left of Izzy's existence. Even I started missing her. ૮◞ ‸ ◟ ა

The hospital scene where she couldn't fully process that Izzy didn't make it did a little something ngl </3 What also did it for me was Jill's damn TheNorthFace puff jacket. I knowwww symbolism for numbness and whatnot but it's so hilarious how everytime its on screen, the brand is perfectly laid out. This is one of my favorite movie meta tropes, never take this away from me.

If nobody got Jill, TheNorthFace puff jacket got Jill.

I found her shenanigans enjoyable and it never once teetered to annoying pick me territories so thats a plus I guess. Also Zoey, the actress, is gorgeoussss her eyes are so expressive. A lot of the acting choices helped depict Jill's mental struggles. The performance highlight is definitely the confrontation when everything gets revealed. The shock and the hyperventilation that came after was a good culmination of Wes putting off his confession.

L, I need your professional opinion

Now onto the make or break of any romcom, the male lead. He is the puppy archetype for sure, sad puppy eyes and all. He wants a real intimate connection but is scared of commitment. Also, he commits and has committed multiple felonies in the workplace! It wasn't marriage he was so scared of. So stalking an unsuspecting woman is not looking good for him. Another crime against me specifically is that they made him a Taylor Swift stan. Yes that's right he canonically loves the billionaire lady. That I feel was a last minute decision though cuz he only references TS in the very same scene that he is said to be a fan like suuuure. They really said, shit the dead parent lore isn't enough, how do we make him less creepy... I know, make him listen to a niche artist that all women like! He listens to ms blondie? GREEN FLAG!!! Alright let the hypocrisy allegations out cuz if it was OR instead, I would proclaim him a passable man. ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ´-

Playing TS twice wasn't all that bad, I think Marjorie was a good plot relevant song to add. Folklore, reputation, and evermore you will forever do no wrong (* ´ ▽ ` *). 

Listening to "New Year's Day" during ny's day is so real though, I do fear that holiday has been ruined for me forever. Positives are that Wes is quite wholesome. He very quickly forms a parasocial relationship with a stranger and it was funny seeing him get super invested and bashing on the podcast guy. Overall, he's charming but a little bland. He says he fell in love with Jill cuz "(he is) broken. And she was the dream." but I'm like my brother in Christ HUH? 

To me it felt like he wanted to "save" her from... life. Which was the exact opposite of the voicemail's purpose to begin with. Jill sends the voicemails cuz she wants the sense of normalcy when Izzy was just one call away. She says later on that it wasn't a plea for some man to save her. He acknowledges his misconception though which was great to see. Even though he might not provide the same love that Izzy gave Jill, he can still be there for her as a romantic partner. But really, the underlying stalker vibes are still an ick I can't ignore the fact that he pretty much tracked this woman down to San Francisco. During their first meeting he even lies about also liking her favorite restaurant bruuuu and taking advantage of the fact that he knows about the stuff that she's divulged in the voicemails which she thought was private btw.

Following the first official meeting, there's a montage of 2 weeks worth of hangouts where they stay strictly platonic with a capital P. Or in their words, "boy/girl sober" a bunch of liars!! I would've loooved to see more yearning and them getting to know each other. Imagine the slowburn, the palpable tension, unspoken stares, lingering touches!!!@#! Then again, could a slowburn be possible in movie format? Yes, watch Pride and Prejudice 2005 movie for more information. But there were moments in the montage that were kilig worthy such as this reheat of satosugu hand thing from jjk ending 3 at 1:07 as soon as the lyrics "swaying for love" comes on I am calm

Gojo death animated soon! ₍₍⚞(˶˃ ᗜ ˂˶)⚟⁾⁾

I am disappointed but not surprised to report that this movie does fall into heteronormativity lenses. Let me break it down. The voicemails, anyone could've gotten them. It was a cosmic coincidence that it went to a man. Again, for the other person on the phone to be a woman was also not guaranteed. Had a woman received the voicemails, would the story still be romantic or would it be about loving yourself and romantic love not being the goal? If it was a man laying bare all his feelings in the voicemails and ranting to another man, wouldn't Wes immediately text him that he's got the wrong number? The whole thing is contingent on the fact that the two people on the other side of the phone are (1) of the opposite gender and (2) are both straight. There is not enough basis to definitively say that these two were interested from the get-go aside from she girl, I boy, therefore we interested. Nothing much also came out of the interactions following the first meeting. 

Sure there was chemistry, and I'm ngl there were swoon-worthy moments too like the giggle bus scene. The cinematography, editing, soundtrack, and scene compositions were really what sold it for me. Portraying intimacy in a warm, dimly lit, domestic setting exudes that feeling of simply just being in someone's presence. Wes's reaction to the chicken potluck also filled me with empathy for him that I almost forgot about his many atrocities. ALMOST. ヾ(๑•◡•)ﾉ🔪

he ok ig

Some of you are right in thinking that I get heavily influenced by placebo because all of those creative choices combined sold me on the romance within 7 minutes. 7 minutes! But all good things must come to an end. As Wes finally gets his comeuppance, the fallout follows Jill striving for her dream and I rather prefer the focus on her getting her life together than Wes pity party.

It's her Annie/Elle/Rebecca moment and I LOVE it!! This film references a lot of other movies too, especially romcoms. I'm probably just weak for callbacks and starved of narrative continuation but I found it really fun when they said something and I could go "I know that! I remember that!" Ohh the bar is six feet under.

Let me push my glasses further into my nose bridge for a second and talk about something serious. The D word. It is a TREAT to see an extensive amount of it on screen. The portrayal of the dating scene is as dreadful as I've come to expect. Not only do you have to find your perfect fit but there's also the threat of workplace bullying, redpill bros, and potentially getting murdered. It just goes to show that there are a lot of peril in the dating world, you just have to take the risk and put yourself out there! I particularly enjoyed the mini plot with podcaster guy. I could smell an incel from a mile away, a soft pastel feminist presenting incel he is but it still counts. He's a dating coach specifically for the ladies?? Wrap it upppp

"( - ⌓ - )

va va va vavoom

Now they did commit another crime against jjk, dear readers. Get this. They used "Hey Daddy" on this watered down Hugh Grant wanna be!! DISGUSTING!!!!!! WASTEFLIX NEVER EVER DISRESPECT THE KING LIKE THAT AGAIN I PHYSICALLY RECOILED EYUCKKK. My blue eyed king would never love bomb and ghost a woman all the while snakily trying to let her down through his online podcast oooohhhhhhhh the thought fills me with so much rage. In my humble opinion, podcast guy should've been uhh komosidisay beaten up by an angry pack of women ala handmaid's tale style.

Some characters I wanna give a shoutout to:

1. Felix - unsung hero. We never got to see him in the end. Had he finally done enough felony to warrant an arrest? Did he get interrogated and sold Wes out? After the credits rolled, were the police going to show up and arrest Wes? I would've loved that. But the most important question is would I risk getting arrested just so my coworker-maybe-bff could be with the love of their life? Under review.

2. Zella - the tension between her and Jill... they should've explored that instead. Imagine getting sold a straight romance and then discovering yuri gold (ymir and historia...).

3. "She doesn't even go here!" girl - this one was such a cinephilic moment for me cuz what do you mean I recognised the world famous rainbow and cupcake girl that had a total of .5 seconds screentime.

This review has gone on for way too long so here are concluding thoughts: To be romantic, or when planning a romantic gesture, you must have expansive stamina. Run. RUN! It's a requirement. Giggle bus scene actually made me feel something. Nothing more attractive than a man stepping up where it is appropriate to do so. Your future partner must already know every single detail of your life, unbeknownst to you (could it be a really clever commentary about dating in the social media age? WOAH).

I rate this movie a 7/10 your did it stars. 5 for Jill because she got through everything on her own no man needed, he was just a plus. 2 for the telecommunication carriers for bringing these two together. It was all them. Oh and the kiss at the very beginning of the movie apparently tasted like beef jerky, which the wussy boy shamed her for but in the end, Wes kisses her while she's mid-chew on some minced beef and he doesn't mind! What a full circle moment! Storytelling masterpiece.